Yeah I don't hurl fire and if I tried to juggle three girls like Spuds I'd be guaranteed nothing to go home with, my response? Karen Deever. Now that that is out of the way I figured I would lead it off with a little something I like to call Go Away. This one is pretty obvious but Lindsay Lohan, go away. We get it, you're edgy and hip and you're keeping us guessing with this whole life on the edge thing. But I'm also pretty sure I speak for everybody here when I say either find religion or OD on that bag of whatever that I'm sure you have sitting right in between your Frosted Flakes and Fruity Pebbles. Are you a lesbian or not make up your mind because that thing you just have to get your picture taken with is making me a little nervous.
Why do you feel like you don't have to pay for things? Let me let you in on a little secret, Disney isn't banging down your door anymore and I'm pretty sure you're drier than the Sahara Desert (talent wise and, well, you know). You had so much potential coming out of the minors, Spuds, Ham, and I were just the other day watching the Parent Trap and saying "What If". What if you never got addicted to nose candy? What if you just decided to wear even a thong when you know you will be getting out of a car? What if you took one of your multiple get out of jail free cards, and stayed the fuck out. I pray we never see a post '04 Lohan Sex Tape because I just don't think I can take anymore. Go Away Lindsay, far far away; clean it up, mix in a Big Mac or 30, get a little downtown remodeling, then we can talk.
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