February 15, 2011

Buzzkill of the Day: Speed Traps





We can thank today's Buzzkill of the Day to the police officers of America.
Coasting along the Jersey Parkway at a respectable 75 mph, you have a simple goal in mind...get from point A to point B. Aside from the occasional 'unnecessary' merge, you're keeping up with the traffic and not stirring up too much trouble.

Next thing you know, DJ Tiesto comes through the speakers and you're fired up. You realize you're not just keeping up with your fellow commuters now, you're blowing past them faster than a Puerto Rican kid's fastball.

You come upon a nice sports car on the right and realize the driver's a hot, tan, big-titted brunette. Is that J-Woww?! You try to impress whoever it is by revving your shitty Honda Civic up to 105, but when you look back at the road...your stomach drops.

It feels like you just took a cross-kick to the gut. The damn 5-0 on the side of the highway had his radar gun honed in on you for the past 1/2 mile. Shit...shit...shit...what do I do?

After you shit your pants and drop it down to 65, there's a 10 second window where you PRAY he was aiming the gun at some other jackass, but nope...Captain America here felt like a real Fredrick Zoller and had his scope on you the entire time.

The next 20 seconds (give or take) are some of the most stressful moments you'll ever experience when driving. Is he going to nab me or what?? How come he hasn't pulled me over yet? Oh wait....fuck.

$100 Speeding Ticket= Bigger Buzzkill than Buzz Killington

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